Position #4

Position #4: THE LIE. I think the final blow was the night I dreamt of PATRICK STEWART. I was at some nerdy convention and Picard-himself came up to me and TOUCHED ME! ON THE SHOULDER! He was smiling at me and telling me to buy an autographed photograph of himself. Um, weird! But I was a flustered, blushing mess! (C'mon, admit that you feel the same way about him, too!)

But then I woke up.
And there was Dorkface's ass. Masquerading as Patrick Stewart. :(